Have never felt so defeated, demoralised, unmotivated before. Thrown into this state of despondency and hopelessness. "Aiya just a failure", "its only one subject!" some may say, but math was my greatest hope, one (and maybe the only one) subject that i can ever feel that bit of confident in. Just wanted to do a little bit better for the final math test i can take before the big As come, and i needed that confidence boost, that glimmer of hope, that bit of faith. Maybe i havent been working hard enough for the past two years, like what tanks said, my starting point is behind everyone else, and i guess i have no one else but myself to blame. But at least im trying, really trying, may be a little late but i AM trying, and i tried, but i still failed anyway. Seems like im making such a huge din over one subject. But i sort of lost my faith, like how i told tanks in between my sobs, "I lost that faith", that hard work will pay off. Many say that its cos hwachong's papers are really hard and i shouldnt gauge my As results from prelims but, others can do it, and i still cant.

"People are already starting the race but im still tying my shoelace".

And my confidence took a further drop after attempting 2012 chem tys, really sucks to know how much I dont know.

Really need to get out of this cos its not gonna help me at all. Just gonna (try to) push and push and push and push and...............just push myself forward.

Not gonna expect much, i've experienced it too many times- the higher the expectations the greater the fall.

Getting back math tmr. I must be strong.

a lot a lot of things on my mind.

its really tiring to be myself. too many things to handle  at this young age. im probably not the person with the most problems out there but life is certainly tiring enough for me.

behind that smile that i give everybody doesnt mean that i'm free of problems and 24/7 happy. but nobody really cares anyway. and nobody actually takes me seriously.

so so so many things to think about. my terrible results, lack of drive to work hard and savw those pathetic grades, dad being out of job temporarily ie no income for the time being, dad and his naive mindset about striking it rich by starting a business (hello seriously pls if u could be rich from being your own boss you would have done it long time ago right), being perma angry at my dad at home (which makes me feel rly rly rly guilty but everytime when im tired and stressed up etc u just have to ask me many ques and i rly dont bave the patience to teach u to use comp seriously...), worried abt overspending cos well, we dont have any form of income rn, and with many  many events coming right up that require me to spend $$$$$$$$$$$, etc etc....

money money money. if  only i have endless amount of cash. dont call me materialistic. there are rly loads of things i want but i can afford to buy. dont tell me "there are much more ppl who are in worse states than u" or "be contented" COS IM NOT CONTENTED. im a teen girl after all i want pretty clothes, many pairs of shoes, and go shopping and buy anythjng i want without worries. but no i cant. i try to scrimp and save whenever i can. i tell many ppl that i dont like shopping. what rubbish. who doesnt like shopping. its just that i cant afford shopping. i cant bear to spend.

so i just had this quarrel with steven earlier in the day. i admit that im wilful, stubborn, unreasonable and u have to put up with my character which isnt an easy job. but havent i put up with your nonsense too? yeah yeah u do say i have many expectations that u have to live up to and u cannot stand me sometimes. ok. im sorry for that. ok u can flare up once jn a while when u cant stand me. but even if u do, can u pls still choose the words u use? "can u do me a favor and dont disturb me" "i dont care i honestlt dont care" and the best your tweet "go and fuck yourself". thats thw worst thing u can ever say to your gf. youre rly like akid. yes u are certainly more mature than last time. but u still nv fail to hurt me sometimes. i've learnt certain things too, like to apologise first and not to be so fiesty. i rly hope u would do the same for me cos i indeed changed for u. and i realised, u didnt talk to me for almost 5 hrs. to think that i took the initiative to apologise first. yes yes u got jts. but i guess it doesnt hurt to take out your phone and spend just 10secs to text me "hey, u better alr?"


rly craving for some mocha cookie crumble frap but i cant afford one. jts + kiseki are gonna burn my pocket next week. fuckkkk

im waiting. still waiting...

Feeling so lonely tonight...........

Yet another day of adventure with da stevie boy boy!!!! Our kind of date :-) missing him alrrrrr :-* :-* oh and happy 11th month (1 day late hehe)

Tired. Maybe it's rly true that guys this age are still not mature yet. 9 months. And we recently got into the most heated argument/ quarrel. I hope I'm not asking for too much but I rly hope he can grow up and be more sensitive...... its tiring to handle all the problems he caused like a small kid. Chance after chance...... it's difficult to hold on to this rship but I never thought of letting go.... So please, Steven, I beg you, wake the fuck up.I had enough of your nonsense.

OMFG I LOVE CN BLLUE SOOOO SOOOO SOOOOOOOO MUCHHHH. went to city square mall with sandra and her sis and took photos from th third floor omg all of them cute + shuai ttm!!!!!!!!!! then when they left they walked right in front of us!!! like really right infront and i touched all of them!!!!!! missed Yonghwa's hand but touched his arm anyway and i kinda highfived Jungshin OMG AWESOME TTMMM I'M SOOOO HIGH NOW.

WHOOSH NY FUNFAIR IS OVERRR IT WAS PRETTY AWESOME except for the fact that the electricity kept tripping in the beginning and we couldn't fry our chips at all!!!! The first hour was quite screwed la!!!! Freaking pissed off! Then everything was ok :-) turned out that the potato chips weren't selling well ah oh well, didn't expect that. Papa drove me Joanne Huihong Xinyi to sch at 6 yay thanks dad. Then the 312-ers who came earlier started preparing- peeling potatoes/ cutting them with Cuimin's magical device HEH HEH. Then the JYOF ceremony thingum starts and we all hafta go to the field sianz. But cheering the torchbearers on was kinda fun luh.

Ok I'm damn sian to post nao.

After JYOF thing went back to help out/ prepare stuff at the stall > power trip > sian > everything was ok again > fried potatoes/ made drinks/ sold them > shift over > walked around with Sixian and Larisa > camwhored in the hall > in search for Sixian's BFFL > finally found her > heard OETORIYA > went back to class to slack > Sixian left @6 > singing with Larisa in class > tried to finish Larisa's money > highed/ singing at 312's stall > heard Chong's song dedication (Oh! HAHAHAHHAA) > got my Yonghwa thingum which Sandra helped me make and is the same as Nicole's ^^ > left with Larisa > met Joanne Xinyi and bused back to woodlands > went to get dinner > bused home.



BYE

HELLO I'M BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED

I'm really bored to the very max ahhhhhhhhhhh. I wanna go out. I want fries. I want chips. Ok I'm gonna watch Yongseo couple now byez.

x-country CRs :-)

Hello I'm back to posting ^^

BT2 is finally over, I guess I screwed all the papers, esp math and chem. At least the celebration aft blocks on wed was kind of a consolation :-)


Caught Inception with Zen Sixian Abby Weimin Grace @cine. Met a whole load of ppl omg awkward ttm. Nanyang girls tend to go cine when we get to be released early, hmm we should change our location next time. INCEPTION WAS AWESOME TTM. Just that I kept worrying about my braids in the cinema :-/ Really fantastic movie, was worth the 6bux even though I didn't pay for it ^^ Kbox @*scape after movie!! Fun ttm and Zen got crazy and started dancing! Songs like 对面的女孩看过来, Ten Little Indians and Baby were the best and we kept spamming kpop hahahhaha too bad for you Sixian! :-) After kbox we wanted to go find the Muttons to have a photo with them but they weren't there aww :-(







X-country ystd and it was quite fun i got the 41st position that was quite saddening hahahahaha ahh oh well nvm i guess im aiming for top 20 next year cos after the run i wasnt really tired so i suppose i can do better? Camwhoring at the shelter after the run hahahhaha we rare camwhore freaks yes and i think Puijeng should learn the skill of camwhoring from us ^^ We were then barbequed under the sun while singing national day songs, patriotic not??? Met Leshia and Rachel tay at amk hub afterwards and we had pepperlunch yumyum! :-) Walked arnd and went pohkim and they both left for their movie while i went to get Koi omfg the queue was bloody long and i waited 20mins just to get my cup of milk tea sian dao.

Ok i just realised that the photos are kinda big. Hmm. Argh dont bother alr bbz