Have never felt so defeated, demoralised, unmotivated before. Thrown into this state of despondency and hopelessness. "Aiya just a failure", "its only one subject!" some may say, but math was my greatest hope, one (and maybe the only one) subject that i can ever feel that bit of confident in. Just wanted to do a little bit better for the final math test i can take before the big As come, and i needed that confidence boost, that glimmer of hope, that bit of faith. Maybe i havent been working hard enough for the past two years, like what tanks said, my starting point is behind everyone else, and i guess i have no one else but myself to blame. But at least im trying, really trying, may be a little late but i AM trying, and i tried, but i still failed anyway. Seems like im making such a huge din over one subject. But i sort of lost my faith, like how i told tanks in between my sobs, "I lost that faith", that hard work will pay off. Many say that its cos hwachong's papers are really hard and i shouldnt gauge my As results from prelims but, others can do it, and i still cant.

"People are already starting the race but im still tying my shoelace".

And my confidence took a further drop after attempting 2012 chem tys, really sucks to know how much I dont know.

Really need to get out of this cos its not gonna help me at all. Just gonna (try to) push and push and push and push and...............just push myself forward.

Not gonna expect much, i've experienced it too many times- the higher the expectations the greater the fall.

Getting back math tmr. I must be strong.